"Flying This Summer?"

My last column (“Doomsday: What Happens When Gas Hits $10 a Gallon”) seems to have struck a chord. Many of you said I was unduly pessimistic, while a few said “right on… we’re screwed”.

Little did I know that many of my worst fears were already coming true. Take air travel, for example.

I remember the good old days of flying when passengers would get dressed up for the adventure. Flights were roomy and the service was extravagant… not pretzels and soda, but filet and champagne. Getting there really was half the fun! Going “on the road” was almost enjoyable.

But no more. Now, even getting to the airport can be a challenge.

Most major cities in the civilized world have rail service to their airports, but not New York. That AirTrain to JFK is fun, if you can reach its northern terminus by subway or LIRR. But for those of us in Connecticut, the price of car service to Newark or JFK can be higher than the airfare to our destination… though not for long.

And when you arrive at the terminal, the fun really begins. Long lines to check bags (soon to be even longer!) and longer lines to go through security. And does anybody really think the TSA is keeping us safe? Not me!

First, no liquids. Now, three ounces or less. Then, no lighters. Now lighters are allowed again. And don’t you love the TSA agents barking at you as you strip down, almost to your skivvies, just to clear the metal detectors?

True, the TSA is experimenting with a Zen-like security area at BWI airport, complete with mood lighting and soft-music. I doubt that will help as you still have to take off your belt and shoes.

Then, there’s the airlines’ new policy of charging for even the first checked bag. That will doubtless mean more hassles on boarding as the cheapskates demand space for their two carry-on’s. And that will probably mean departure delays as airlines mismanage the turn-around times for in-coming aircraft.

Let’s face facts: Most airlines won’t survive the energy crunch. We’ve already lost Aloha, ATA, Skybus, Silverjet Maxjet and Eos, to name a few. Frontier has filed chapter eleven and US Air, American, United and Continental are rumored to be in trouble.

The merger of Delta and Northwest will just create one terrible airline out of two bad ones.

Most carriers still flying are already cutting back on capacity, grounding less fuel-efficient aircraft and laying off staff. That will mean fewer flights, each more crowded and expensive

So look for fewer scheduling options, more over-booking and a bidding war at the departure gate as airlines bid for who’s willing to take a later flight… if there’s room.

The good news is that fewer flights might mean less delays in air traffic control, but it still seems that a drop of rain in the NYC area translates into departure delays nationwide.

Then there are the fares. The big carriers have already gone through six rounds of fuel surcharge increases this year, but the best (or worst) is yet to come. As the carriers are facing billions in losses from soaring fuel costs, there’s every reason to expect massive fare hikes in the months ahead.

And so it should be. Airlines shouldn’t be expected to fly at a loss. Mobility of all sorts should come at a cost. And at some point the alternatives to flying -- Amtrak, the bus or even teleconferencing -- will find their market.

So next business trip, ask yourself: Is this trip really necessary, affordable… or tolerable?

"I Don't Want To Fly!!!"

You won’t catch me on an airplane anytime soon. Well, maybe for a business trip to Europe (though another crossing on the Queen Mary II would be nice). No, I’m sorry, but the airlines have lost this road warrior as a customer. It’s back to Amtrak, driving or tele-conferencing.

It’s not that I’m afraid of flying. It’s not even the proctological screening by the TSA (though now I hear that cigarette lighters aren’t the terrorist threat we were told they were… but meantime, air cargo still flies unscreened.)

No, it’s the airlines that are at fault. After years of heavy losses, they have down-sized their planes and their service to the point that a trip on Greyhound seems more fun.

This summer is shaping up to be the worst in aviation history. On-time arrivals hover at 68% and are plummeting. Sure, the carriers blame the weather and antiquated FAA equipment, but that’s only part of the problem.

To save money, the airlines fly smaller aircraft, almost guaranteeing a full plane. And schedules are so tight, if there is a delay, forget about finding room on “the next flight.”

When flights are delayed, the horrors begin. You’ve heard the stories… passengers trapped on planes for hours, the AC turned down to save fuel, as planes await their slot for departure. Toilets backing up, no running water, passengers swelter… wouldn’t this be illegal if the cargo were cattle rather than humans?

Flight crews are also at the breaking point. Underpaid to begin with and now vastly over-worked with planes flying 90% full, the flight attendants are starting to crack. On one delayed flight a flight attendant had a mother and her baby ejected because the child kept saying “Bye, bye”. The stew said to the mom, “You’ve got to shut your baby up!” The mother couldn’t, so she and her child waved “bye, bye” to the plane from the terminal. How’s that for “the friendly skies?”

Not that things are much better in first class. Sure, the seats are a bit bigger, but long gone are the days when flying up-front meant a hot meal. On most carriers it’s the same crappy snacks, but in unlimited proportions. Gee, should I go for a third bag of pretzels or try a granola bar?

Access to airline lounges, while still an imperative to get away from the maddening throngs, grows more expensive and less rewarding. In Denver, United saves money by opening only one of its two Red Carpet Clubs meaning a half-mile walk for your free Diet Coke.

Sorry, but the airlines have lost me as a customer. I’ll enjoy an overnight sleeper on Amtrak rather than play on-time roulette at O’Hare. This spring, after being stranded in Charlotte with the promise their “might be” a flight in a day or two, I rented a car and drove home. Twelve straight hours on the interstate beat sitting around that fetid airport with five thousand weary fellow-travelers.

Flying used to be glamorous. Now it’s just tedious.

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JIM CAMERON has been a Darien resident for 15 years. He is Chairman of the Metro-North Commuter Council, a member of the Coastal Corridor TIA and the Darien RTM, but the opinions expressed here are only his own. You can reach him at jim@camcomm.com or www.trainweb.org/ct